WEEK 6
Our anxiety and unrest is often the most apparent in our most intimate and familiar relationships: with our spouse, parents, children, siblings, or close friends. It is often within these relationships, where our guard and defenses are down, that we can most clearly see what is going on just below the surface of our conscious thoughts, words, and deeds—that is, catch a glimpse of what is causing our anxiety. Jesus, in fact, has a ton to say about this in Matthew 7:1-12. If you don’t know what we’re talking about or need a refresher(!), listen to Sunday’s sermon before continuing.
The following practice is meant to help you pay better attention—to yourself, to the other person, and to what God is doing—in the midst of a difficult relationship.
Before You Begin: Consider a familiar, yet difficult relationship in your life. Where and with who, do you feel stuck?
Getting Clarity | Matthew 7:1-5
Remember, our hope is not that through introspection alone we will come to an awareness of the ways we relate via “anxious thoughts” and “grievous ways,” but rather, that the Holy Spirit would search us, and know us, and reveal to us what is causing difficulty within our most familiar relationships.
Read: Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
Ask: What am I missing? Is there perspective that I lack? What “log in my own eye” might the Spirit want to show me, so that I can show up for this other person, whole and holy myself?
Pray: Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
Listen:
Allowing Space | Matthew 7:6
It is often the case, that in our most familiar yet difficult relationships, that we lose the ability to distinguish between what is going on within me and what is going on within the other person. Proximity blurs the line between us. So much so, that I no longer understand why the other person responds so defensively to my sincere and well meaning attempts to help them.
Read: Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.
Ask: Do I use force to help those I care for? How might my good intentions be interpreted differently? How genuine is my “holy pearl” of concern—could it be that what I really want is to be rid of this uncomfortable feeling?
Pray: Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
Listen:
Becoming Fully Present | Matthew 7:7-12
Read: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets
Ask: Am I fully present to myself, to the other person, and to God when dealing with difficult a relationship? Do I listen well? Ask questions, and stay curious? Am I kind and gentle, or intrusive and cutting? How might the gift of presence change the dynamics of this relationship?
Pray: Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
Listen:
Finally, prayerfully discern how you might discuss what you have just learned and heard with the other person in this relationship.