Dear Faith Family,
The story of the apostle named Thomas is one of the more intriguing relations to Jesus, at least for me. Thomas was one of the twelve, those first apprentices whom Jesus chose to invite to be with him and sent out to live like him (Mk. 3:13-19). That puts him in pretty special company. But as we know, just because you are included in the number doesn't mean you really get what it is you are a part of. Judas being the prime example.
And so, while Thomas was purposely picked, sought out by Jesus to follow him, his fame throughout the centuries has less to do with who desired his company and more to do with his doubting. Thomas's name is evoked not in line with the likes of Peter or James or John, but rather, along the lines of Judas. To be a "doubting Thomas" is just a slight notch above being a "Judas," one rung away from falling off the ladder of faith.
But that's not exactly the image of Thomas our scriptures paint. Oh sure, Thomas doubted, and passionately did so! But his doubt was not a product of faithlessness but evidence of his deep affection and his willingness to be vulnerable.
In John's account of his fellow apprentices, we see that while all the other eleven tried to keep Jesus from taking the road to Jerusalem, a path they didn't want to follow because it would surely lead to his death (11:8), Thomas spoke something different. Thomas got a glimpse of where Jesus was going, as one walking in the light of day (11:9), and knew that's the way he needed to go, even if not everyone saw it the same.
Calling friends and companions into something different, especially something difficult, is no easy thing. You are exposed in settings such as this, and that exposure requires courage, conviction, and, I'd argue, love. And so, from a love of Jesus and his fellow pilgrims, Thomas said, "Let us also go," don't try and change Jesus' path, follow it, with the clear-eyed expectation of what lies before us if we do, "that we may die with him" (11:16).
All Thomas needed was a glimpse of where Jesus was going for him to follow. Yet he wasn't a naïve tag along. Thomas was a man of conviction who counted the cost of following Jesus, and was willing to pay it. And yet, like all of us, the path Jesus leads us doesn't always play out as we expect it to.
Throughout their journey together, Jesus had been teaching, preaching, and demonstrating the returning presence of God the Father, God's kingdom on earth and among his people as it once was, but even better and bigger. It was this message that God's kingdom was near and here that compelled Thomas to come to Jesus in the first place. Having heard and witnessed so many glimpses of God with us, Thomas was sure that what came next would be the final turn into the kingdom's fullness, especially as the next move of Jesus was to raise a week-dead friend (11:17-44). The crowd's reaction to Jesus as Thomas and his fellow apprentices followed Jesus into Jerusalem only heightened Thomas' expectation to see what he had longed hoped (12:12-19).
Yet, Jesus kept telling Thomas that this path was preparation for their final destination, that Jesus would have to suffer what seemed like defeat to assure the desired goal of their journey (12:7,23-26, 27-36). Thomas was more than willing to give himself up for the sake of the kingdom--the life he desired with God for himself and others--, but the way of Jesus and the end to which he was leading didn't line up with Thomas' expectations. But isn't that the case for most of us if we are honest?
Aren't we a lot like Thomas, passionate in our convictions, courageous in our affections, and confused along the journey with Jesus? But once again, Thomas' character shines through. During that final supper with his disciples, Jesus is once again telling them he is going somewhere, but this next portion, he'll have to travel alone (13:36). Following Thomas' lead, Peter speaks up, this time not trying to change Jesus' mind but wanting to know it, though not really knowing what he is asking (13:36-38).
Jesus' answers to where he is going ("my Father's house") and that "you know the way to where I am going." (14:2, 4) are not satisfying to apprentices. They wanted more clarity, most specifics, (perhaps even) a different vision. So Thomas, once again, is vulnerable before Jesus and his fellow followers. "Thomas said to Jesus, 'Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?" (14:5)
Thomas confesses his ignorance and confusion in this journey of faith with Jesus and others. It takes no small amount of humility to admit you don't know--especially in this group who was always jockeying for position, i.e., validation of their faith (see Lk. 22:24-30). Thomas admits that the image he glimpsed doesn't look like where they've arrived.
Jesus' response (14:7) is typical of him, a gentle admonishment for opaque discernment ("If you had known me, you'd have known my Father") coupled with a gracious affirmation (From now on you do know him and have seen him."). Thomas' meekness and Jesus' mercy open the most formative dialogue with Jesus in our scriptures. And, for the first time, we hear from others in the company: Philip (14:8) and the other Judas (14:22). However, some were still too timid (or proud) to confess their poorness in spirit to the group (16:17-19). By the end of the conversation and shared prayer, Jesus' time had come (18-19).
The events of the next few days must have been traumatic for Thomas and the other apprentices. Despite Jesus' words, compassion, and prayers, they were not ready for what came next. Who could be, really? All they could do was watch on as the very core of their hearts' desires were ridiculed, beaten, and crucified. The one whose affection called them and whom their affection now rested was dead.
The wind was knocked out of the sails of Thomas' faith. Are we at all surprised by that? Passionately, humbly, courageously, vulnerably, he had followed Jesus alongside this hodgepodge of others who Jesus had chosen to journey with. And where did it lead? Not to where he expected. Certainly, this could not be the way Jesus had intended them to follow? Surely, this could not be the path to life as it is truly meant to be, at home with the Father?
So, when Thomas hears from some of his companions that they've seen Jesus alive again (20:24), is there any wonder why he wants more than words and stories to hope again? Would someone else's testimony be enough for us? Wouldn't we want to see and touch the object of our faith too, before we could once again give all our heart, mind, soul, and strength? (20:25).
I think many of us would respond like Thomas if we were honest enough to do so. If we were not trying to impress anyone. But what is most impressive to me about Thomas' response is not his (now thrice repeated) humble vulnerability amongst his fellow followers, but the inner courage and perseverance of faith to stick with them through his doubt.
"Eight days later" (20:26), not in the day of doubt, not even the next day, but for over a week, Thomas remained with his fellow apprentices even when his faith appeared to falter. Would we stay with people in our hurt, confusion, doubt that long? Eight days of listening to stories of Jesus alive from others but not seeing Jesus ourselves? Eventually, Jesus does enter into Thomas' doubt and invites Thomas to receive what Thomas thinks he needs to reawaken his faith in the way and destination (20:27). Of course, Jesus' presence among his fellow apprentices was all Thomas needed to return to true form (20:28).
If the story stopped here, I think we'd see Thomas differently, but it doesn't. And, it is my opinion that it is Jesus' response to Thomas' faith that causes us to misunderstand this apprentice and lumps Thomas in with Judas. "Jesus said to Thomas, 'Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.'" (20:29).
I don't think Jesus' statement is a rebuke of Thomas' lack of faith, but an encouragement of what was already and always there in Thomas. A faith that had been formed and proven along the journey with Jesus up to this point. Listen, Thomas is not in the room with the disciples if he had no faith and no affection, no hope and no trust, if he didn't believe even when he couldn't see.
Jesus is pointing out that Thomas did believe even when he didn't see. Thomas' belief kept him in the company, even amid his exposure. Rather than admonishing a shallow faith, I believe Jesus is honoring a deep faith in Thomas. A faith that kept him on the journey with others--a humility and conviction that followed Jesus through difficulty and confusion and doubt when the path and the place were not so clear. The faith that believes following Jesus with others is the way home, even when we cannot see it. That is the faith that allowed Thomas' doubt (confusion and hurt and humility) to be met by Jesus' presence, and a faith I know I would count as an honor to say I share with Thomas, the believer.
Along our journey with Jesus, like Thomas, we'll catch glimpses of where Jesus is going on the way he is taking us. And, like Thomas, we'll find that often our glimpses don't reveal the whole picture or at least the picture we expect. When that happens, like Thomas, will we have the depth of character and faith, the humility and conviction to stick with our fellow apprentices until our faith becomes sight?
It's a question I encourage us to practice answering together as we journey home with Jesus. Until faith is needed no more, may we receive the blessing of those who have not seen clearly or fully and yet have believed.
Love you, faith family. God bless.