BACKGROUND
Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote to those following Jesus with him and others, saying,
“The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship [of apprentices and pilgrims] consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins in listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for the [faith family] is learning to listen to them.”
The question is, what are we listening for?
Well, as Psalm 139 reveals to us, we are listening to see, using our ears to awaken our eyes to God’s intimacy, action, and graciousness at work in the “them,” our brothers and sisters in Jesus. And when we listen to see, we can join in with what God is already at work doing, willing and working for his good pleasure (Phil. 2:12-13) with is their good (Col. 1:15-23).
The problem is, we tend to speak and act more speedily than we do listen, reversing the familial warning “be quick to listen, slow to speak” (Jam. 1:19). Too often, we use our ears only long enough to figure out what advice is needed to fix the problem or soothe the angst, that is, if we don’t already have a pre-fab response in tote. Unfortunately, listening is not a habit most of us have readily cultivated.
To help us develop the habit of using our ears to aid our eyes, Julian of Norwich came up with a short exercise for our daily interactions:
“I look at God. I look at you. I keep looking at God.”
This together practice helps us develop the skill of faith this is listening by pairing a prayer with Julian’s eye exercise and employing it freely and often.
PREPARATION
Unlike the other Together Practices, Learning to Listen is best done in groups no larger than 3 (maybe 4). While the skill will translate to the larger group setting, it’s helpful to practice in a smaller crowd.
All you need to practice is time and space; we’d recommend 60 minutes and a quiet(ish) place to meet. While you can discuss anything on your heart or mind, we suggest starting with the prompts provided.
PRACTICE
CHOOSE THE ORDER & PRAY WITH EARS & EYES
Decide what order you will be sharing.
Before the first person starts, give yourselves 1 minute of silence (have someone set a timer).
After the 1 minute is up, practice Julian’s eye movements while praying:
"look at God," praying; Father, let me see you with us and for us, in our past and in your presence.
"look at you, (the other person)" praying; Holy Spirit, let me see your searching and leading in my friend's life.
"keep looking at God," praying; Jesus, let me see how I can join your way for their good.
SHARING & LISTENING
While the first-person sharing answers the question below, the other participants should listen for what the Spirit brings to mind without comment. Take notes if you need to. Perhaps clarifying questions will come to mind, or scriptures or biblical stories, or something else. Whatever comes, continuing praying, “Holy Spirit, let me see your searching and leading in my friend’s life.”
For the person sharing, take 5-7 minutes to answer the following questions:
Do you feel like you are walking in-step with Jesus right now?
Why or why not?
Where do you feel tension (discomfort, absence, anxiousness, apathy, etc.) in life (with God, with others, at work, in direction, etc.)? Elaborate.
Repeat the process, including the 1 minute of silence and prayer, until everyone has had a chance to share.
SHARING TO ASSIST
Now it’s time to help one another hone the skill in faith of listening. You’ll do so by sharing what you received from the Spirit while listening to your friends.
Using the same order, allow each person 1-2 minutes to voice what they received for the person who shared. For the person who shared, listen without comment until your friends are finished. When they have all gone, affirm what (was true in your friends’ comments, and let them know (gently) what you do not think was true or might be off.
Repeat the steps above until everyone has had a chance to hear what the group has to share for their good.
Remember, the goal of those speaking what they received is not to fix, nor to give advice, nor provide pat truisms, but to honestly and humbly share what they perceived the Spirit doing and saying for their friend.
The goal of those receiving, affirming, and not affirming, is not to judge, but to provide a safe place for their friends to grow in their skill in hearing and speaking what God gives them.
CONCLUSION
Conclude your time in prayer with and for one another. Thank God for your friendship. Lay at the feet of Jesus what has been shared, asking the Spirit to deepen, clarify, and bring to fruition what is from the Father and remove from memory what is not.
Commit to pray what was received back to God for one another over the next week and follow up with one another as the Spirit leads.