BACKGROUND[1]
Desire is a word that many Christians find intimidating, in part because we know how twisted our desires can become and to what kind of living the twisting leads. Just look at the world around us and see how chasing what we want rarely fulfills and often causes as much harm as it does good. Perhaps that is the reason many Christians throughout history have thought that pursuing desires was a shallow quest, a pursuit after something fleeting and ever-changing. Or, knowing the limits of our desires, we strive to live for God’s desires. While the motive is holy, often the manner is degenerative. Rather than experiencing freedom with our Father through Jesus (“For freedom that Christ has set us free,” (Gal. 5:1)), we question every move and feeling and decision, wondering, “Is this what God desires?” More often than not, if we are honest, unsure of the answer.
While our timidity around desire is understandable, it also keeps us from becoming like Jesus, who was quite comfortable expressing and pursuing his desires and asking people about theirs. One of Jesus’ favorite questions to ask people, whether they were long-time apprentices and friends, or people with evident agendas and unhidden needs, was “What do you want?”
You see, Jesus knew something about desire. While, in some ways, desires are surface expressions—in-the-moment needs and wants—they are also manifestations of something deeper, longings for something God-fashioned within us, which he desires to satisfy. Listen to Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord,
keep company with God,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
There is something in each of us that can only come out, some yearning that can only be quenched in the company of God. And, because desires come from something deep and God-given, they are extremely powerful. Most daily decisions, as well as those “big” choices which shape our life’s overall trajectory, are made not by logic or reason but from desires, from what we want most. Now, if we don’t pay attention to desires, then, as our faith heritage rightly notes, the things we choose to do in pursuit of our desires will indeed tend to lead us away from our real-life with God rather than towards it (Col. 3:1-4). Which is why Psalm 37:5 follows up on the fulfilling of our desires with this reminder:
Commit your way,
your life's journey to the Lord;
trust in him,
and he will do whatever needs to be done.
When we pay attention to our desires in the company of God, committed to the way of life in Jesus, we’ll not run after what we want in a detrimental manner, but live by faith, trusting God desires for us what we too desire. We’ll find ourselves at an “ultimate end in which our whole nature and capacities are fulfilled,” as we are brought “into contact with the One we seek,” united “to God in a union of wills.”[2] The will (heart and spirit) being the part of us that initiates and creates, puts us into motion, leads us to act in pursuit of what we desire.
And so, Jesus asks the question, “What do you want?” to help us discern the depth of our desires so that we can make daily and life-changing choices in the company of God, and in a manner that keeps us on “the Way,” without fear or anxiety about what we are after. The together practice that follows is an attempt to help us pay attention to our desires by encouraging one another to respond to Jesus’ question and make choices congruent with what we want in life with God.
PREPARATION
IMPORTANT: Depending on group size, you’ll need about 60 minutes for this practice. While you could have this conversation over a meal, in order to do so from a quieted heart, you might want to set aside some time after dinner for the practice.
Each participant will need a pen, paper, and bible.
Appoint a facilitator to assign readings, make sure you stick to the time frames of each movement, and that everyone has the opportunity to share. Don’t be afraid to set a timer and kindly ask people to wrap things up if they are taking too much time; both are truly helpful.
PRACTICE
QUIET
Have everyone close their eyes and take three deep breaths. As they breathe in, pray “Holy Spirit… and as they breathe out, pray, “…Reveal My Heart.” Focus on each breath and envision breathing in God’s presence.
Ask God to give you an openness to hear whatever the Spirit wishes to bring to you personally and the group as you respond to Jesus.
Encourage participants to repeat the centering prayer if and when (!) their thoughts begin to wander in the stillness.
CHOOSE A STORY
The facilitator will choose two readers for the stories found in Matthew 20:20-28 and 20:29-34.
BEFORE reading, please share that the participants will choose one story to focus on throughout the practice. Please encourage them to pay attention to which account they resonate with most at the moment, without too much thought.
Then have the readers read each passage slowly as you imagine the scenes (people, settings, emotions, etc.) together.
Have each participant choose their story. Now imagine hearing Jesus ask, “What desire brings you to me today?”
Have participants write down their initial response to Jesus.
Give your group 3-5 minutes to ponder the question, listen quietly, and respond.
DIG DEEPER
Now, encourage the group to discern the depth of their desire(s) by asking the following questions[3].
After each question, give the group 2 minutes of quiet to reflect and write down their response.
Can you sense Jesus’ compassion and graciousness for what you long for but don’t yet have?
What does Jesus want to show you about yourself as you get honest about your desire(s) with him?
Does anything in your desire seem not entirely pure or perhaps naïve?
Do you see anything beyond your immediate desire as you imagine your desire met?
Do you understand the full ramifications of what you are asking for? What else do you need to know from Jesus?
Are you ready for what you want?
How/would you rephrase your initial response to Jesus’ question?
Is there a particular action Jesus is inviting you to do to live into what your heart wants most?
What part of your desire can only be fulfilled by Jesus? What part is yours?
Give your group 15-20 minutes to complete this part of the practice.
SHARE
Now it’s time to be vulnerable…with one another. Allow each person 2-3 minutes to share what they wrote in response to Jesus’ question. Let each person articulate their desire and what they learned or still need to learn about their desire. Encourage those not sharing to not interrupt or add commentary even if they are doing so as affirmation.
After each person shares, have 1 minute of silence. During the quiet, questions that might help the person who just shared clarify or go deeper into their desire might arise. Questions like, “Which of the ‘digging deeper’ questions was the most challenging or offered the most insight?” “What might your desire mean for your life today?”
When the minute is up, encourage participants to ask open-ended questions—questions they really don’t know the answer to.
Repeat the sharing, listening, asking until everyone in the group has shared.
REST
After your time of sharing, read Psalm 37:3-6, praying it out loud together, entrusting your desires to the desire and action of God as you journey home with Jesus, together.
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness
and find safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
keep company with God,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way,
your life's journey to the Lord;
trust in him,
and he will do whatever needs to be done.
He'll validate your life in the clear light of day
and stamp you with approval at high noon.
CONCLUSION
Conclude your group time by reminding regular encouragement to pursue our desires in the company of God along “the Way” together. Asking one another, “what we think we are living for, in detail, and asking us what we think is keeping us from living fully for the thing we want (desire) to live for.”[4]
Having been fed by the Word through this practice give it time to digest. Encourage the group in a day or two to come back to their thoughts and observations about themselves and the group, praying these back to God and asking for clarity, encouragement, and courage to respond to Him. Consider bringing these back up over a group dinner sometime in the next few weeks to encourage one another as “siblings and partners in the tribulation and the kingdom and the patient endurance which are in Jesus” (Rev. 1:9).
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[1] While not necessary, it might be helpful to have participants listen to the Gathering titled: “Becoming Who We Really Are, Together” prior to this together practice.
[2] Thomas Merton, Bread In The Wilderness, 13.
[3] Adapted from multiple exercises in Ruth Haley Barton, Life Together in Christ: experiencing transformation in community, 65-69, 79-80.
[4] Quoted in Ruth Haley Barton, Life Together In Christ: experiencing transformation in community, 74.