Learning to Listen

BACKGROUND

Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote to those following Jesus with him and others, saying,

“The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship [of apprentices and pilgrims] consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins in listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for the [faith family] is learning to listen to them.”

The question is, what are we listening for?

Well, as Psalm 139 reveals to us, we are listening to see, using our ears to awaken our eyes to God’s intimacy, action, and graciousness at work in the “them,” our brothers and sisters in Jesus. And when we listen to see, we can join in with what God is already at work doing, willing and working for his good pleasure (Phil. 2:12-13) with is their good (Col. 1:15-23).

The problem is, we tend to speak and act more speedily than we do listen, reversing the familial warning “be quick to listen, slow to speak” (Jam. 1:19). Too often, we use our ears only long enough to figure out what advice is needed to fix the problem or soothe the angst, that is, if we don’t already have a pre-fab response in tote. Unfortunately, listening is not a habit most of us have readily cultivated.

To help us develop the habit of using our ears to aid our eyes, Julian of Norwich came up with a short exercise for our daily interactions:

“I look at God. I look at you. I keep looking at God.”

This together practice helps us develop the skill of faith this is listening by pairing a prayer with Julian’s eye exercise and employing it freely and often.

PREPARATION

Unlike the other Together Practices, Learning to Listen is best done in groups no larger than 3 (maybe 4). While the skill will translate to the larger group setting, it’s helpful to practice in a smaller crowd.

All you need to practice is time and space; we’d recommend 60 minutes and a quiet(ish) place to meet. While you can discuss anything on your heart or mind, we suggest starting with the prompts provided.

PRACTICE

CHOOSE THE ORDER & PRAY WITH EARS & EYES

Decide what order you will be sharing.

Before the first person starts, give yourselves 1 minute of silence (have someone set a timer).

After the 1 minute is up, practice Julian’s eye movements while praying:

"look at God," praying; Father, let me see you with us and for us, in our past and in your presence.

"look at you, (the other person)" praying; Holy Spirit, let me see your searching and leading in my friend's life.

"keep looking at God," praying; Jesus, let me see how I can join your way for their good.

SHARING & LISTENING

While the first-person sharing answers the question below, the other participants should listen for what the Spirit brings to mind without comment. Take notes if you need to. Perhaps clarifying questions will come to mind, or scriptures or biblical stories, or something else. Whatever comes, continuing praying, “Holy Spirit, let me see your searching and leading in my friend’s life.”

For the person sharing, take 5-7 minutes to answer the following questions:

• Do you feel like you are walking in-step with Jesus right now?

• Why or why not?

• Where do you feel tension (discomfort, absence, anxiousness, apathy, etc.) in life (with God, with others, at work, in direction, etc.)? Elaborate.

Repeat the process, including the 1 minute of silence and prayer, until everyone has had a chance to share.

SHARING TO ASSIST

Now it’s time to help one another hone the skill in faith of listening. You’ll do so by sharing what you received from the Spirit while listening to your friends.

Using the same order, allow each person 1-2 minutes to voice what they received for the person who shared. For the person who shared, listen without comment until your friends are finished. When they have all gone, affirm what (was true in your friends’ comments, and let them know (gently) what you do not think was true or might be off.

Repeat the steps above until everyone has had a chance to hear what the group has to share for their good.

Remember, the goal of those speaking what they received is not to fix, nor to give advice, nor provide pat truisms, but to honestly and humbly share what they perceived the Spirit doing and saying for their friend.

The goal of those receiving, affirming, and not affirming, is not to judge, but to provide a safe place for their friends to grow in their skill in hearing and speaking what God gives them.

CONCLUSION

Conclude your time in prayer with and for one another. Thank God for your friendship. Lay at the feet of Jesus what has been shared, asking the Spirit to deepen, clarify, and bring to fruition what is from the Father and remove from memory what is not.

Commit to pray what was received back to God for one another over the next week and follow up with one another as the Spirit leads.

Considering Our Journey

BACKGROUND

A quick run through those famous foundational “Beatitudes,” which Jesus used to kick off his teaching on life in God’s kingdom—now—leaves little questioning of why we need others along this journey home!  It seems the path leads us through poverty—of spirit at a minimum—loss, longing, submission, neediness, entanglements, conflict, maltreatment, censure, and insult.

Blessed are the poor in spirit...Blessed are those who mourn...Blessed are the meek...Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness...Blessed are the merciful...Blessed are the pure in heart...Blessed are the peacemakers...Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness...Blessed are you when others revile you...on Jesus' account.

(Matthew 5:1-11)

Of course, Jesus says, no need to fret over the trials and tribulations because, in the end, we get what God desires when we stick to the path. We know our destination is “Blessed,” happy (complete), a place where “our whole nature and capacities are fulfilled”[1] in contact with the One who formed and knows us most truly. But here is what makes Jesus’ opening sermon so profound and practical. He says that while the path has its rough spots, “already happy,” “Bless-ed,” are we along the way. What we seek and find in Jesus isn’t only a good end, but a blessed middle.

And here is the fun part(!), we discover that becoming like Jesus together, whole and holy in the presence of the Father, is both an end in itself and a means to other ends. Eugene Peterson put it this way,

“Blessing is the end of the road. And that which is at the end of the road influences everything that takes place along the road. The end shapes the means.”[2] 

Blessing is where we’re going, Bless-ed is who we are, and Blessing is what we do. Or, as God said it to Abram,

I will make you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great so that you will be a blessing…and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.

(Genesis 12:2-3)

What we discover, like the rest of the journey, is that being a blessing is a together thing also!

Jesus describes the blessing of “our life” collectively—“You,” in the verses below is plural like our Texan equivalent, “Y’all”(!)—coming through our witness to living life with him.

Let me tell you [all together] why you are here. You’re [togther] here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

Here’s another way to put it: You’re [together] here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you [all together] light-bears, you don’t think I’m going to hide you[r life together] under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you[r life together] on a light stand.

Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

(Matthew 5:13-16, The Message)

When people (individuals, families, communities) are open to God, they’ll know what we have already received…Blessing.

The following together practice is designed to help you all discover and discern the particularities of what being “generous with your life together…opening up to others” looks like. While this practice may lead to a specific collective focus (a people group, a place, an injustice, a need, etc.), it will undoubtedly start with hospitality—opening up your life together to be a witness to life with God.[3]

PREPARATION 

IMPORTANT: Depending on group size, you’ll need about 60 minutes for this practice. While you’ll undoubtedly want to talk about what you discover in your collective journey with Jesus over a meal, you’ll need to set aside a specific time to discern first!  

Each participant will need a pen, paper, and bible.

Appoint a facilitator to assign readings, make sure you stick to the time frames of each movement, and that everyone has the opportunity to share. Don’t be afraid to set a timer and kindly ask people to wrap things up if they are taking too much time; both are truly helpful.

PRACTICE

QUIET YOUR SOUL

Have everyone close their eyes and take three deep breaths. As they breathe in, pray “Holy Spirit… and as they breathe out, pray, “…Let Us, Witness.” Focus on each breath and envision breathing in God’s presence at this moment.  Ask God to allow you and your fellow apprentices to see you all’s saltiness and light.

Encourage participants to repeat the centering prayer if and when (!) their thoughts begin to wander in the stillness and reflections.

CONSIDERING MY JOURNEY

When we follow Jesus, we become like him, and not just by listening to him, but by doing what he leads us to do. That’s how apprenticeship works. We observe the Master, but the Master also gives us responsibilities so that we can learn the craft. He’s been doing this all along your journey with him. Leading you to people and putting you in places to be a blessing, opportunities to be generous with your life and open to others so they might be open to God. Sometimes it seems that these opportunities find us. Regardless, when we follow our Master’s lead in these moments, our own maturation is catalysized or deepened.  

Have participants consider their journeys up to now, asking them to think about:

• To what people and places do Jesus repeatedly lead you to be a blessing?

• In what ways has blessing and witnessing deepened or catalyzed your own maturing?

Give your group 3-4 minutes to consider their individual journey.

SHARE & AFFIRM

Encourage each participant to briefly share (1-2 minutes) their response to one of the above questions. Allow the group to affirm where they have witnessed God leading and/or maturing the person who just shared.

After everyone has shared, begin the next movement.  

CONSIDERING THEIR JOURNEY

Now let’s consider how other’s openness has impacted ours. Encourage participants to only consider those in the group (whether the group is a Gospel Community, a DNA Group, several close friends, roommates, spouses, or family).  

Have participants consider how witnessing those in the group blessing others has impacted their lives and faith. Asking,

• How have those you are following Jesus with inspired, challenged, encouraged, or even brought you into blessing and witnessing?

Give your group 3-4 minutes to consider each other’s journey.

SHARE & AFFIRM

Encourage each participant to briefly share and affirm (1-2 minutes) how someone’s witness in the group has impacted their journey with Jesus.

After everyone has had an opportunity to share, begin the next movement.  

CONSIDERING OUR JOURNEY

Now it is time to consider our life together. Have the group repeat the centering prayer and enter into 1 minute of silence.

After the silence, invite the group to consider why Jesus has brought you into each other's lives. Contemplating what it looks like for “our life together” to be salt and light. Invite participants to:

Ask Jesus: “Why have you brought us together?”

Then wait, listen and write what you hear.

Give your group 3-4 minutes to consider “our” journey, then ask the following clarifying questions with pauses:

• What would “keeping an open house and being generous with our life together” look like for our community, network of relationships, and neighborhood(s)? Describe what you see.

Pause for 2 minutes.

• Do you hear Jesus inviting us to open our lives to specific people or peoples or place?

Pause for 2 minutes.

• Do you sense God calling us uniquely to be or do something in Jesus’ name?

Pause for 2 minutes.

SHARE-DISCUSS-WITNESS TO BLESS

Now it’s time to be vulnerable…with one another. Allow each person 2-3 minutes to share what they heard, saw, or sensed. Let each person articulate what (if any) vision, invitation, or call for “our life together.” Encourage those not sharing to not interrupt or add commentary even if they are doing so as affirmation.

When everyone has shared, discuss.

• Was there any overlap in what was shared? If so, talk about where those visions/invitations/callings come together and what that could mean for your group. Commit to praying for clarity and unity and following up.

• Did anything shared feel disconnected or just not settle? If so, talk about why that might be. Commit to submitting these to the Lord for further clarity and following up if the Lord provides it.

• Is there anything we agree to do to keep an open house to be generous with our lives? If so, name it and do it! Don’t let the details distract or discourage you; just take the next step in the journey!

Give the group about 20-25 minutes to discuss. It would be helpful to set a time limit before you start discussing; that way, you can encourage people to be thoughtful, considerate, and succinct in the discussion. Remember, you can keep the convo going over dinner!

CONCLUSION

Conclude your group time by sharing in a collective prayer[4]. Have the facilitator pray the italicized portions and the group pray together the emboldened parts.

As Abraham left his home and the security of all he had known to follow God,

So we lay down what is past and look to the future, to where Jesus is leading.

As Mary washed Jesus’ feet with oil and hair,

So we recognize that hope and healing come through death and resurrection.

As the disciples on the Emmaus road returned to Jerusalem to tell what had happened when Jesus walked with them, as John built up communities to hold fast to Jesus, and Paul traveled ever on,

So we open our lives, to share the lives of others and bless a wider world.

As Esther stepped out in faith for such a time as this,

So we take courage to do what Jesus leads us to do.

And as Jesus taught us, so we pray today and every day along the way:

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.

Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread, and help us not fear that we’ll be lacking tomorrow.

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.

Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours,

Now and forever.

Through Jesus.

Amen.

__________

[1] Thomas Merton, Bread In The Wilderness, 13.

[2] Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience In The Same Direction: discipleship in an instant society, 197.

[3] For a more in-depth discussion on being “salt and light” together, listen to “Being a Witness to Blessing” and “Salt & Light.”

[4] Adapted from a prayer in Ruth Haley Barton’s, Life Together In Christ: experiencing transformation in community, 158.

Taking Note of Jesus

BACKGROUND[1]

Often in our life of faith, we fall prey to a misoriented drive to arrive. We desire wholeness and holiness, which is good and right. Yet, we mistakenly assume that we achieve our goals when the effort is complete—whether the conclusion of a program, counseling, study, retreat, or when we get into the right group/church, calling, relationship, ministry, or career. While the fount of our drive springs from our God-fashioned, Jesus-freed place where we are who we truly are, we find that our pursuits—more often than not—lead us to feel frustrated, fatigued, or flat. Whatever stamina and ambition drove us eventually runs out.

Why do you think that is? Could it be that a part of the reason we repeatedly cycle through “the next thing” (preachers, people, podcasts, and programs) is that we miss where we get what we desire?

Our faith family has long contended that the most fruitful and effective place achieving our goal of wholeness and holiness is right where you are—those ordinary roles and relationships that make up everyday life: daughter, husband, employee, sister, friend, team-mate, father, neighbor, saint. We beat this drum to the point of annoyance (!) because, right where you are is where God is doing what he does and where you get to join with him! It is through daily, ordinary living that we become like Jesus, whole and holy when we recognize and respond to what God is doing in, through, and for us and those around us.

Our “elementary doctrine of Christ” lays the foundation for us, making sure we don’t forget that everything and everyone in our lives takes place in God’s good creation through Jesus and intended salvation through Jesus (Col. 1:15-20). The problem is not our footing; it’s our skills. The author of Hebrews says our issue is that we have not developed the God-gifted faculty to notice what he is up to and how we can join with him.

About this we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness [how to relate whole and holy to ourselves, others, and God], since he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature for those who have their powers [faculties] of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil. Therefore, let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity…

(Heb. 5:11-6:1)

If we want to get where we are going, becoming who we want to be along the way, we’re going to have to practice, intentionally develop the God-gifted skill of discernment constantly.

While learning to discern might feel a bit weighty, the good thing is that our faith history has taught us that it is as simple as taking note of Jesus with us throughout our day. Ruth Haley Barton offers this helpful definition of discernment,

“Discernment is an increasing capacity to recognize and respond to the presence of [Jesus]—in ordinary moments and also in the larger decisions in our lives.”[2]

Historically, the practice to help us hone this skill is called the Examen. A daily or weekly moment of verbalizing (speaking or writing) what we’ve noticed: "Seeing is of course very much a matter of verbalization. Unless I call my attention to what passes before my eyes, I simply won't see it."[1] And one way we can help one another hone this skill is through a group form of the Examen[3].

PREPARATION 

IMPORTANT: Depending on group size, you’ll need about 60 minutes for this practice. While you’ll undoubtedly want to talk about what you notice about Jesus in each other’s lives over a meal, you’ll need to set aside a specific time to discern first!  

Each participant will need a pen, paper, and bible.

Appoint a facilitator to assign readings, make sure you stick to the time frames of each movement, and that everyone has the opportunity to share. Don’t be afraid to set a timer and kindly ask people to wrap things up if they are taking too much time; both are truly helpful.

 

PRACTICE

QUIET YOUR SOULS

Have everyone close their eyes and take three deep breaths. As they breathe in, pray “Holy Spirit… and as they breathe out, pray, “…Open Our Eyes.” Focus on each breath and envision breathing in God’s presence at this moment.  Ask God to hone your ability to recognize his presence and working in your and your spiritual companions’ ordinary moments.

Encourage participants to repeat the centering prayer if and when (!) their thoughts begin to wander in the stillness and reflections.

CLEARING YOUR HEART

Before we can “examen,” we need to identify and confess any obstacles that might be keeping us from seeing Jesus. Our “blinders” are not necessarily sinful, as Jesus pointed out to his apprentices in John 9:1-3; nevertheless, we won’t be able to see clearly unless Jesus removes them (John 9:4-11).

Invite participants to consider each of the following “blinders” simply by noting when a described obstacle stands out to them. Encourage them to write that blinder down, confessing the reality of their heart’s situation to Jesus.

Read through the following descriptions slowly.

•  Grief | Is the pain, tears, or anger of loss—yours, a friend’s or family’s, or even societal—clouding your vision? If so, confess that to Jesus.

•  Disillusionment | Are past (or current) encounters, unmet expectations, or wounds experienced in following Jesus with others causing you to feel cynical or apathetic towards the way of Jesus? If so, confess that Jesus.

•  Tunnel Vision | Are the circumstances of life causing you to feel too confined, so focused on the details of your life that it makes everything (like a friend’s comment, a group decision, or a minor inconvenience) personal and so difficult to see a bigger perspective? If so, confess that to Jesus.

• Ignorance | Is a lack of understanding of how God works and what he wants for you, that elementary doctrine of Christ, keeping you from recognizing him in your life? If so, confess that to Jesus.

•  Societal Sight | Is the cultural wisdom/vision of how life should work—ways that are not death, burial & resurrection rhythm—making it hard for you to see Jesus? If so, confess that to him.

•   Self-Absorption | Have you forgotten to pray, “Father, what are you up to, and how do I join you in it?”

Give your group 5-7 minutes to ponder the question, listen quietly, and respond.

FOCUSING YOUR MIND

Have someone pray the following prayer over the group:

Father, we believe our lives are touched by you, formed by your love and presence, and that you want something for us and of us. Give us ears to hear you, eyes to see the tracing of your finger in all life, and a heart quickened by the motions of your Spirit deep within. For we are in Jesus, and Jesus is with us. Amen.[4]

OPENING YOUR EYES

Now it’s time to examen your week. You’ll do so in two movements.

Encourage participants to ask God to show them where He has been present with them even when they were not aware of it. Invite them to move through the different happenings of your week—work, play, rest, meals, family, house to-dos, hanging out with friends, GC, phone calls, tv time, interactions, decisions made.

MOVEMENT #1 | Noticing Jesus’ Presence

• Encourage the group to note the moments during the week when they felt: gratitude, love, wisdom, protection, guidance, peace, etc., that came from something beyond themselves--times when they felt Jesus near in some special way.

Give your group 5-7 minutes to review their week quietly, writing down when and where they noticed Jesus with them.

MOVEMENT #2 | Noticing Disconnection

•  Encourage the group to note (without judging) the moments during the week when they felt: emptiness, stress, frustration, loneliness,  being drained, anxious, etc. Moments when they were not at their best and felt disconnected from God.

Give your group 5-7 minutes to review their week quietly, writing down when and where they noticed Jesus with them.

SHARE

Now it’s time to be vulnerable…with one another. Allow each person 2-3 minutes to share what they noticed. Let each person articulate what (if any) obstacles are keeping them from seeing clearly right now, and then where they noticed Jesus throughout the week, and when they felt disconnected. Encourage those not sharing to not interrupt or add commentary even if they are doing so as affirmation.

After each person shares, have 1 minute of silence.

When the minute is up, if any wisdom or questions arose in the quiet listening, encourage the group to voice them for the person who just shared. Encourage that person to receive what people share without immediate comment or response.

Repeat the sharing, listening, voicing until everyone in the group has shared.

GROUNDING ON THE FOUNDATION

After your time of sharing, give your group 2 minutes of silence to rest on the foundation that all of life takes place in our Father’s good creation and intended salvation. Encourage the participants to consider the moments of disconnection by leading them to consider and ask:

• If God felt absent, ask him to show you evidence of his presence.

• If the source of their feelings came from a choice made, ask God what it would like to choose his way everlasting next time.

•  If there is an area they know is sinful, confess it, receive God’s forgiveness and ask for God’s help moving forward.

CONCLUSION

Conclude your group time by expressing your gratitude for God's continual presence, working-for-good, and gentle guidance throughout your lives, and your desire to join with him together.

Encourage the group to come back to where and how they noted Jesus in their lives and the group's life—praying these back to God and asking for clarity, encouragement, and courage to respond to Him. Then, bring them back up in conversations(!), helping one another to hone their faculty of discernment.

_________

[1] While not necessary, it might be helpful to have participants listen to the Gathering titled: “Noticing Jesus Together” prior to this together practice.

[2] Ruth Haley Barton, Life Together In Christ: experiencing transformation in community, 138.

[3] The following practice is adapted from several practices and suggestions in Barton, 141-147, for which we are both extremely indebted and grateful.

[4] Adapted from Barton’s adaption of Ted Loder’s prayer in Barton, 147.