Read Psalm 42
Sometimes I forget how good my Father is to me. Honestly, it does get hard to praise him. I do not understand why it gets so hard. Sometimes I just feel off. WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?
Praising the Lord is easy and my soul feels good when things are going well:
the air conditioner is working,
the dog listens on first command,
my Gospel Community has a deep discussion,
my coworkers do what they say they will do,
my bank account is filling up,
my spouse is happy,
I perform well.
Often, many of those things break down and go the wrong direction:
the air conditioner calls it quits at the worst time,
the dog decides to roll around on a dead fish,
I am out of town and miss time with the Gospel Community,
my coworkers drop the ball,
My bank account is on E,
my spouse is ticked off and I cannot fix it,
I mess up.
If one or more of these things go wrong, and typically things go wrong for me in bunches, then my soul hurts. I find it hard to praise the God of my life. I thirst for the living God, and I try to drink Him in, but I end up with dryness. Tears are my appetizer, pain is my main course, anger is my dessert, and loneliness is my second dessert. Instead of the bread of life, I am gnawing on bitterness. I feel like the Lord must be off working on other more important things. WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?
It should be easy, right? I love Jesus. He has bought me at a huge price. He paid for my screw ups, and the Father adopted me into His family. I know my Father is good. I remember what God has done. I remember what closeness to Him feels like. But, it is not easy to drink Him in. My head knows, but my heart is slow to believe. My heart hurts, my soul is down cast, and I get stuck in the tension of this life. WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?
Christ City Church, come pray with me:
Lord, you are the God of my life. Help me feel your presence. Regardless of the way things go today, even if they go against me, I know you are close to me. You love me. Now open my heart so that I can have the faith to actually believe what I already know. Soften my heart until it can no longer refuse to trust in your goodness. Make my heart believe that nothing can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Make my soul feel your presence in all the details of my day, my week, my year, and my life. I will praise you no matter what this life brings. WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY? Because my life belongs to you. My life is in Christ’s right hand. Come quench my thirst, and feed my soul. Your love fills me up. My heart and my flesh may fail, but you O Lord are the strength of my heart and my portion forever! Through Christ I pray, AMEN.
-- Ryan Kernes