As I started reading this Psalm aloud, I realized that it kind of feels like David is an angry teenager- blaming God for the hard things happening, letting those around him know of God’s rejection, and even blaming God for some personal bad choices “you have given us wine to drink that made us stagger”. It honestly reminds me of myself as a teenager, quite sure that my parents were ruining my life. It was their fault that I was going to be lonely and friendless- who makes a child clean their whole room before hanging out with friends on a Saturday? Clearly that is something that would take all day and night and I would never get to see any friends and I would just turn into a lonely, cold human- all due to them of course.
Thankfully, while David starts out in full teenage-like despair, he goes on to also remember what is true about God. That God is sovereign, in His holiness (v. 6-8). David recalls that he is beloved, and that God gives salvation (v. 5). He also asks God for help- to lead him (v. 9), for help against his true foes (v. 11-12), and to restore him (v. 1). But it’s not one bout of anger and angst and then all is good; David goes back and forth. Again, in v. 10 he says, ‘Have you not rejected us, O God? You do not go forth, O God, with our armies.’. I imagine this in my life as God- where are you? I don’t see you going forth before me. I don’t see you at work with me. I’m not experiencing what I thought or expected I would be in this season (being single still, experiencing financial strife, finding disillusionment in my day to day, etc.) . My expectations are not met.
But I’m grateful for David’s example. Grateful that we can come to the Lord openly and honestly, not hiding how we feel. Even if we are slightly melodramatic at times. And that we aren’t required to be anything more than human. We have grace to forget and come back to what is true about God. And forget again. And come back again.
The bigger question is how do we come back again to what is true? I don’t have all the answers, but I think we can ask. Ask God to remind us of what is true. Ask others to point out what is true and how they see God at work, even when we don’t. We can immerse ourselves in what is true by reading the Word. And ultimately, I think it’s by faith. Faith that God is sovereign, in His holiness, even when the land is quaking (v. 2), and defense are broken (v. 1). Faith that salvation comes from God, not from man. That God does give help and he does restore. That God is who He says He is and that salvation comes from Him alone, not from ourselves. I’ve also learned that faith is not a one and done type thing like I thought when I became a believer. I’ve learned that faith is a daily practice—sometimes a moment-by-moment practice. And praise God that He is still faithful, even when we are faithless (2 Tim. 2:13).
- Ally L.